Why facing challenges is actually a good thing
Do you keep facing challenge after challenge in life? Does it seem like just when you hit rock bottom and it can’t get any worse, it does? You start thinking to yourself why am I facing so many challenges in life? Why does life suck? Why does God hate me? While all of these thoughts are normal, challenges can actually be helpful to you!
Two weeks ago, I had a car accident which was very terrifying. Luckily no one got hurt but it was still traumatic. The cars are gone. I always thought that bad things wouldn’t happen to me. I know the probability of car accidents but I didn’t expect myself to be included in that probability.
This is known as the unrealistic optimism bias where one believes that bad things are unlikely to happen to them and good things are more likely to happen. Do you also think like me?
Why do we have the unrealistic optimism bias?
Maybe you’ve thought I’d never get cancer. My partner will never break up with me. That terrible thing will never happen to me. Until one day when something unexpected does happen and you realize that you created an illusion of safety around you.
To keep ourselves safe from fear, we lie and think to ourselves that terrible things will never happen to us. We think “I’m always going to be okay and safe.” In this hope of constant security and safety, we hide from the truth. The truth of life: the fragility of life.
Our whole lives we keep ourselves hidden from this fear that one day we too will perish and cease to exist. But the fear of death sometimes keeps us from living fully. We live in this illusion that we have a lot of time on this earth when the reality is that we don’t know how much time we have. We could go anytime and that truth is terrifying.
So I guess most of us decide to live in this illusion that life is long and grand. Or perhaps we intellectually know that life is short and fragile but act like we have all the time in this world. That’s why we sit around, waste our time, delay our dreams, wear masks, and fail to fully express ourselves.
The fear of death is so great for the average human that we’d rather live in an illusion than embody the truth. The fragility of life makes us live in an illusion of a safety bubble. But here we have a choice. You can live in this illusion and live your life as is or wake up to the fact that you indeed have a short time on this planet and it is your responsibility to make the most of it.
Why challenges are actually a good thing
You can literally die in the next moment, day or month. Life is unpredictable and that is an uncomfortable truth. However, instead of getting frustrated with life, we can choose a different attitude.
Victor Frankl talks about the concept of will and attitude in his book “A man’s search for meaning.” Even in the direst times of a human being, one thing can never be taken from him. That is his will. A man’s will to choose his attitude. From a man who survived the holocaust, it is indeed true that you can take everything away from a man but not his will to choose his attitude.
Knowing this uncomfortable truth, we can shrivel or expand. If you choose to shrivel, you can continue living in this illusion. If you choose to expand, you can awaken to the fact that with the unknown amount of time you have left, it is your responsibility to make the most out of it.
For a few days after my accident, I felt depressed due to the trauma. Even before the accident, I was facing many challenges: being unemployed, feeling stuck, and lacking meaning and purpose in my life. After the accident, I was convinced that I’m doomed. So I figured I might as well just stay in bed. What’s the point of getting up?
I felt depressed because I believed life was horrible to me so I might as well just react with being depressed. Until I realized that no one is coming to save me. I could stay there all day but that would be my choice. I was in victim mode and I felt doomed.
In all of the circumstances that were out of my control, I still had the choice to control how I react. When I realized no one was coming to save me, I got up and started to take responsibility for my life. That is when I shifted out of victim mode and into creator mode.
Challenges are present in everyone’s life. Different challenges of different levels for everyone. It is also naive to think that once these challenges are over, everything will be good in life and you’ll be happy. There will always be challenges in every phase of life.
If you got the career you love, you may have relationship challenges.
If you have a career and relationships, you may encounter health challenges.
Even if you have everything, you may encounter common challenges that every human goes through like failure and rejection or loss.
But each challenge presents us with an opportunity to grow and make massive shifts in our life. Facing challenges is actually a good thing because it can empower you to create a stronger you if you choose to do so. If you can find the tiniest of joys even in the most challenging times of life, you’ve already won.
How to use challenges in your favour
I now know that my life is my responsibility and because it is so fragile, I have to work extra hard to be present in the moment as much as possible so I can make the most out of it.
This means chasing my dreams no matter what others think.
It means showing up for myself in many ways possible.
This means finding joy in the small moments like eating a delicious meal or watching your favourite TV show.
It also means squeezing as much as possible out of each and every moment. After all, the next moment is unpredictable. This is true happiness.
Live your life being aware of its fragility but don’t let it scare you. Instead, accept the fragility and let it empower you to make bold and courageous choices in your life that allow you to fully live your life.
